is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
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