this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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