I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I will be naked everywhere
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
