my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
