I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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