Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
