Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
