I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Drunk is not a location!
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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