It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
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