3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
