all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
