Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
