we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
