A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize