all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
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