Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
