For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
