I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
