I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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