the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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