Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
