oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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