Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
