ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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