I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
