I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
