she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
