Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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