My girlfriend figured out who you are.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
