i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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