i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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