Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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