apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
