I take back everything I said about communal showers
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
