Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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