i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize
