I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
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Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
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I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
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