It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
