some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
