I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
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I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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