he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
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