I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
