I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
honey bunches of taint.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
