We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
