We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
