I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
