So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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