trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
