Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
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