I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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