Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
