what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
