Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
