Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
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He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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