I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
