Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
you traded sex for a burrito?
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
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