Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
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