I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
