the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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