Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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