So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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