New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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