Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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