You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
God I need to hump something, right now.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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