you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
