I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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