dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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