when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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