I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Randomize
