turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
