I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
