do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
