Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
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I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
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Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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