He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
party gras won. party gras always wins.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
