someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
