I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize
