Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
