Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
