dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
