No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
