She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
