you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
