If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
