No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Randomize
