I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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