I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
