Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
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