He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
