idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
