My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Randomize
