The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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