I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
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